Varnished Without A Trace
With an opening line like: Here in central Pennsylvania, bingo could very easily be considered a death sport…., I knew this cozy was gonna have me laughing and smirking through the whole twisted mystery.
Tallie Graver seems to have a nose for finding dead bodies and sniffing out killers. It’s an instinct that comes naturally. Maybe it’s because she’s been around the “dead” more than most – her family owns the local funeral home. She learned a lot about the business growing up in those somber surroundings. But once she got older, she put the family business aside to start her own cleaning company.
The story opens with Tallie, her mom and granny, all spending Christmas Eve together. They are at the firehouse with other local friends. The minister is there, also, but he’s not giving a Christmas Eve sermon – nope, he’s hand-cranking their old fashioned machine, tumbling bingo balls and calling out the numbers!
In this little town, there’s no peace on Earth when it comes to the folks playing bingo. Even Santa won’t attempt to make a delivery – he’s too scared! These hard-core Bingo attendees are noted for their “death stares,” verbal fights and hand-to-hand combat! Lucky troll dolls have been hurled, even an occasional beer bottle – and there’s even a medic on standby!
And this Christmas Eve, as usual, bingo tempers are flaring. You just don’t take someone’s “lucky” bingo seat. You don’t look the “wrong way” at Ronda Hogart, Bingo’s wicked queen of mean – who also happens to be Tallie’s Aunt! She’s married to their sweet, subdued Uncle Hoagie who owns the local hardware store. Tallie’s other uncle, Uncle Sherman, is the Fire Chief. Even though he’s a bit concerned over the antagonistic bingo atmosphere at the firehouse, he’s more worried about the serial arsonist who is running amuck. Six fires in 3 weeks – this is one serious firebug!
Fast forward to the day after Christmas. Tallie, once again, finds a dead body. It’s outside in a parking lot – and it’s an ugly scene – death by a can of varnish. She immediately recognizes the body as one of the steadfast Bingo players. As usual, Tallie can’t help but sniff around – it’s what she does.
The motive is elusive. Tallie and the local police chief are trying their best to figure it out. It sure wasn’t robbery. Was this murder committed because of one of the many heated arguments that transpired on Bingo night? Jealously? Or was this something else?
Things start getting even stranger when, for no reason, the deceased’s spouse disappears without a trace. Then just when you think you might have unmasked the killer, a gaggle of greedy relatives crawl out of the woodwork. You figure it might be one of them – but then the arsonist strikes again in the heart of town. Add to that a problem at the Gravers Funeral Home – they got a body that isn’t theirs – and it came all the way from West Virginia! You gotta figure it’s probably all connected – but how?
Holy smokes! Next thing you know, you still don’t have a clear motive, but you’ve got enough suspects to form a Conga line!
Varnished Without A Trace is a lighthearted, zany cozy and a solid who-the-heck-done-it. With twists and turns and bits of funeral parlor humor, Misty Simon brings it all together and ties it up into one neat little package with a blood-red bow on top!
A complimentary copy of this book/photo was provided by Kensington Publishing, a paid sponsor of Wonder Women Sixty.